16 July, 2014

Entitled to the world?

For the past four years, thanks to our DD, I'v been exposed to a lot of children. At social do's, parks, events, schools, etc. And I've observed all kinds of them. Sometimes, intentionally- so that I can observe if our DD is lagging health, milestones, education-wise, anywhere. But at other times, you come across some shocking conversations or behaviours, without even meaning to.

One such experience has been with one the DD's schoolmates.
When Nursery school started, she was the one greeted at the gate, after school by her mum, with a toy, every day. For quite a few months. Everytime I happened to notice her parents speaking to her, was in a pleading, cajoling, coaxing manner. Everytime I noticed her speaking to anyone, she seemed to be ordering them, instead of requesting or even asking plainly. Each time, she happened to speak to me, she spoke in the same manner. As if, every individual in the world was her minion. Pampering grandparents, obliging their precious miracle of a child parents and a nanny or two, following her every instruction, turned out to be the reason. Even though, the mother was a stay-at-home one, in the given case.
Another one was, when we got invited to one of the DD's classmate's house, for dinner. The first time we had visited them for a playdate, DD had observed that this classmate didn't have any toys. So, at the dinner get together, she took her own to share with her friend. At several points within the three-hours stay there, while we chatted her parents, and DD played with the classmate, I noticed that the said classmate seemed to be keeping her own toys (and her younger sister's), from our 4yrs-old. And playing with DD's toys, alone. At the end of the dinner, I asked DD to pack her toy-bag and bid goodbye to everyone there, so we could leave. At least three of DD's toys had gone missing. Apparently, while DD had been generously sharing her things with this friend, the friend had started hiding DD's toys in many of her hiding-places at home. When I realised that DD's favourite toy, a toy phone, was one of the missing items, I stated looking around everywhere they had been that night. DD had started crying by then too. But I easily found it, peeking from behind the classmate's other toy-phones, in her toy area. When I gave it to DD, the classmate started wailing. I looked at her parents for help, but they didn't do a thing. Didn't give a word or a hug to their daughter. I couldn't see the classmate crying like that, so promised her that I would buy her that same toy-phone the very next morning, and drop it off. Perhaps the idea of getting a new-one, cooled the classmate and we could leave soon.
Apparently, another kid in DD's class keeps teasing everyone. When I mentioned it casually to the kid's mum once, she actually beamed at how creative, free-spirited and extrovert her child was.
Another playdate was a wild experience, because of the other two girls involved. While the DD kept following them and asking them to play with her, the other two kept running away from DD and teasing her and hiding their playthings from DD.
I shudder when I wonder how they'll ve, when they actually become teens and tweens, honestly!

This has been my experience of the first year pf DD's school.
Girls from poor families seem quite, shy, reserved. While boys are on the verge of being rowdy and aggressive.
Girls from well-to-do families, are well on their way to become 'mean-girls'. Whereas the boys seem a lot more well-behaved and generous than the previous generation.
As a matter of fact, all the boys that we have had one on one interaction with, has been extremely friendly, generous and even sensitive, without exception. Thanks to their highly-educated, working, or worked-for-years-before-child mothers' attention.

But the girls, have been shocking me, over and over again, for more than a year now. And the majority pf girls have been similar, by the way.
Maybe its the fact that their mother's waited to have a child for years, while they studied/worked/ had late marriages. Maybe its because they were born after their parents had to go through several rounds of fertility treatments. Maybe they were, in fact, miracle-births. Maybe the parents in India have now become a bit too pro-female-child, unlike the earlier times, when female-featucide was a more common than natural-births. Maybe the mothers are trying not to treat their daughters with descriminqtion, unlike their parents had.
Whatever the  cause might be, but I sure have seen a generation of more mean-girls around our DD in the past year, than I've personally come-up against in my entire life.

Thankfully, there still are a few sweet girls around. The quintessential girlie girls. They love to dress up. Stop to stare at flowers, butterflies and bubbles. Have the cutest voices and mannerisms of speaking. Want to marry their Dads when they grow up. Follow their Moms around the house. Copy their teachers, when they come back home. Get worried when anyone, even a stranger gets hurt. Cry when their loved-ones are troubled. Want to help everyone. Like nothing more than taking care of kids younger than themselves.
Thankfully, some such girls are still around.
Hopefully, ours will remain like that too. The way she is right now...S m i l e

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