23 July, 2015

Single parenting

So, the other day, after picking up our kids, after school, while they played together, I complimented a fellow mom, whom I had seen around a few times. “Your daughter makes the cutest faces, when your husband comes to pick her”, I said. I immediately noticed a whole variety of expressions on her face. She looked from hurt, to embarrassed, to angry, to sad, in all but a few moments. We both were called upon, by our respective daughters, just then, and could only exchange words, after a good ten minutes. When we did, she said, “We are actually divorced. And she doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with him”, along with a brave smile. After she’d said that, her daughter was ready to leave for home. So, they left. And how horrid I felt for using the word, ‘husband’, instead of ‘her father’. While, I usually would have almost always used the term ‘her father’. That just had to be the day, when I had to slip and make that nice lady uncomfortable. Before bed, when I was going over my day, this interaction actually made me start respecting the lady more. Being a single parent is not an easy task anywhere, but has got to be the hardest in a city like New Delhi. When just the other day, I was thinking about how hard it is to sustain a career, as a mother, in India. And here is a case, where this lady has had all odds stacked-up against her, but to her credit, has still managed to have her daughter grow into one of the cutest, sweetest, well-behaved and well-dressed little girls, you would ever come across. To imagine how lonely it must get, at times. And how does a woman maintain a love-life, in their 30’s in Delhi? Also, how do you make ‘me time’, when you must be as swamped as that? That made me I remember how genuinely she smiles, when she looks at her daughter. And how content this lady looks. And how that must make everything worth it. Just the way my DD makes me feel, all the time. Another thing to ponder upon is how over-rated marriage, really is. Is it really that important to have a piece of paper and the world’s approval, when you find the person you may or may not want to mate and have kids with? How often I have felt that it must be so much easier and less harassing to not have someone constantly contradict your parenting style, or argue with you, every now and then, over money, housekeeping, cooking, decorating, vacations, what you wear, whom you meet, what you do for a living, and the rest of the relationship drama. Saw her again today, at school, for the first time, since that day. And even though, I didn’t know how to recover from my bouncer the other day, I smiled, saw that she smiled. I talked to her daughter. Her daughter played with mine. Then we exchanged hellos ourselves. And again, all was good in the world. Here’s wishing the lady more power, for her parenting, career, and her own self...S m I l e

No comments: